None of us know about Bionicle, but this week’s board is Bionicle Memes. Matt has doubts, but this is Jeff‘s favorite type of board: Meme board for a topic none of us know about. Louisa is not having it in either case.

Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast and follow us on Twitter @SeeingReddit or e-mail us at SeeingReddit@gmail.com! Tell your friends if you enjoy the show – we’re always happy to offend new listeners! Our theme song is “Reddit” by Podington Bear, you can find it at freemusicarchive.org. Thanks for coming and keep your pockets on Shrek!

CreepyPodsta: The Creepypasta Podcast this week are Tara Hansen and Alex Cappello, to discuss The Nuclear Incident on Bumblebee Lane.

Support the show on Patreon! $1 a month gets you two bonus episodes and one short story!

Theme music is by Matt Holt

If you want to be prepped for future episodes, go ahead and read up on Wanna See Me Take It All Off?FunnymouthThe Children Upstairs, Mr. WidemouthThe Black SquareThe Showers, Old MacDonald Had A FarmHuntsville Camping TripThe Devil Lives on Old Mill Road, I Want To Scream, Jeff Went Left, The Clear Blue Spring, Dining Room or There is NothingI Dared My Best Friend To Ruin My LifeDevil’s NightOn A HillCabin GetawayThe Orangutans Are Skeptical of Changes in Their CagesArkansas Sleep ExperimentThe SeparationWhispersDead ArmNine Brief Scenes From the End of the WorldGraphic DesignIf the stars look strangeAutopilotBen’s PlayhouseMonster in the ForestDear Abby

Are we being profiled?? Second booze-related board in a row: Craft Beer. We bring up our depraved interests, like serial killers, Nazis, and Star Wars.

Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast and follow us on Twitter @SeeingReddit or e-mail us at SeeingReddit@gmail.com! Tell your friends if you enjoy the show – we’re always happy to offend new listeners! Our theme song is “Reddit” by Podington Bear, you can find it at freemusicarchive.org. Thanks for coming and keep your pockets on Shrek!

CreepyPodsta: The Creepypasta Podcast stays weird with Judd Madarang and Hannah Burdge, chatting about Third Parent and some other works by the same author. Enjoy!

Support the show on Patreon! $1 a month gets you two bonus episodes and one short story!

Theme music is by Matt Holt

If you want to be prepped for future episodes, go ahead and read up on FunnymouthThe Children UpstairsThe Showers, Old MacDonald Had A FarmHuntsville Camping TripThe Devil Lives on Old Mill Road, I Want To Scream, Jeff Went Left, The Clear Blue Spring, Dining Room or There is NothingI Dared My Best Friend To Ruin My LifeDevil’s NightOn A HillCabin GetawayThe Orangutans Are Skeptical of Changes in Their CagesArkansas Sleep ExperimentThe SeparationWhispersDead ArmNine Brief Scenes From the End of the WorldGraphic DesignWanna See Me Take It All Off?If the stars look strangeAutopilotThe Nuclear Incident on Bumblebee LaneBen’s PlayhouseMonster in the ForestThe Black SquareDear Abby

Poké Puffs

from Pokémon X and Pokémon Y

by Louisa Herron

Increase your Pokémon’s affection!

Increase your Pokémon’s affection!

For the puffs:

  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 large egg white (save a white when you’re separating the yolks for the pastry cream)
  • 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 10 small pieces
  • 2 tablespoons whole milk (1 ounce)
  • 6 tablespoons water (3 ounces)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (2 1/2 ounces)

For the pastry cream:

  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (2 1/2 ounces)
  • 1/2 cup sugar (3 1/2 ounces)
  • 4 egg yolks (save one of the whites for the choux puffs)
  • 3 cups milk
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter cut into small pieces
  • 1 vanilla bean or 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

For the decorations:

  • White candy melts
  • Milk or dark chocolate candy melts
  • Round red candies, such as M&Ms or Sixlets
  • Gel food colorings
  • A few strips of orange zest removed with a peeler, then coated with sugar
  • Sweet: 1 ounce freeze-dried strawberries, ground in food processor
  • Mint: 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
  • Citrus: 1 teaspoon grated orange zest, plus 1/2 teaspoon orange extract or 2 teaspoons Grand Marnier liqueur
  • Mocha: 1/2 teaspoon espresso powder (or instant coffee), plus 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
  • Spice: 1/4 teaspoon chipotle chili powder, plus 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, plus 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
You could just eat this tbh

Pastry cream ingredients

Make the pastry cream

In a large saucepan, whisk flour, and sugar together. Add 4 egg yolks and a scant 3 tablespoons of the milk, whisk until well combined. Add the remaining milk and vanilla pod (if using). Stir over medium heat until it thickens, you need to stir it constantly or lumps will form on the bottom. When it’s the consistency of a soft pudding, with bubbles blobbing up, remove from heat. Stir in the butter until melted (and the vanilla extract, if you didn’t use a vanilla bean).

Dip some bread in this for a nice afternoon snack

Cooking the pastry cream

Pour the pastry cream into a bowl and cover with plastic wrap pressed down to the surface, to prevent the cream from forming a skin. Refrigerate until cold, at least 2 hours.

How is "choux" pronounced??

Choux ingredients

Make the choux

Adjust rack to middle of oven and heat to 425 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, set aside. Beat eggs and egg white together in a small bowl and pour into a half cup measure. Discard anything more than half a cup.

Bring butter, milk, water, sugar, and salt to boil over medium heat in a saucepan, stirring once or twice. When mixture is at a full boil (butter has melted), immediately remove from heat and stir in the flour with a wooden spoon until combined and mixture comes together into a very soft dough. Return saucepan to low heat and cook, stirring constantly with a smearing motion, for 3 minutes. Mixture will be slightly shiny and tiny beads of oil will appear on the bottom of the saucepan.

I'm saying it like "chooks" in my head but it's probably like "shoe"

Choux dough

Remove pan from heat and stir vigorously with the wooden spoon for 30 seconds or so, to cool slightly. Add the eggs a third at a time, pouring in one third, then mixing well, adding another third, etc. When all eggs have been incorporated stir the choux vigorously until thick and sticky, about 30 more seconds.

Spoon choux dough into a piping bag with a round half inch tip, once all the dough is added to the bag lay the bag on the counter and run the side of your hand along the outside to push all the dough down to the tip. Twist the top of the bag and pipe the choux dough onto the cookie sheet in 1 1/2 inch blobs, you can fit about 24 of these onto your cookie sheet. They’ll have peaks on top but if you dip a finger lightly in water you can easily smooth them into rounds.

You know what else is piped and smooth? ;) ;) ;)

Piped & smoothed choux

Bake the choux for 15 minutes (do not open the oven in this stage- they need a lot of heat to become puffs) and then reduce the temperature to 375 degrees, until golden brown and firm. This should take 10 more minutes but if your oven runs hot like mine, check them after 2 minutes (mine were done then). Remove the cookie sheet from the oven, cut slits in the sides of all the puffs with a small knife to help release steam, and return the sheet to the oven. (Make sure the oven is OFF!) Use a wooden spoon handle to prop open the oven door a crack, and let the puffs dry in the warm oven for 45 minutes. Transfer the choux puffs to a wire rack to cool.

Maybe it's more like "chow"??

Baked choux puffs

Prepare the decorations

Melt a few candy melts in the microwave and smear a thin layer on wax paper. The spice decoration is dark chocolate cut with a square cutter, mocha is white candy also square cut, mint is white candy melt tinted yellow and cut with a moon shaped cutter, citrus is the sugared orange peel cut with the moon cutter, and sweet is a red M&M.

Sneak some pentagrams in there too, you know you wanna

Puff decorations

Divide the pastry cream among 5 bowls, and flavor each bowl with the extracts and spices listed in ingredients. Mix in food coloring one drop at a time until you get a color you like- pink for sweet (it will already be speckled light pink from the powdered strawberry), green for mint, orange for citrus. You can add brown coloring to the mocha and spice creams but I thought they looked fine without it. Taste the creams and add more flavoring if you like.

Popular flavors include: Teal, pink, yellowish, and two kinds of brown

Flavoring pastry cream

Using a small knife, cut each puff in half (they will be hollow). Melt the chocolate candy melts in the microwave and spread a little milk/dark chocolate on the top half of each puff that will be mocha or spice. Melt the white candy melts in small cups so you can add a drop of food coloring gel once they’re melted, and mix to make the correct colors. Spread the colored candy on the top halves of the puffs- pink, orange, and green. When the candy has almost set, add the decoration on top to “glue” it in place. Let the puff tops dry.

Add a heaping spoonful of pastry cream into each puff, press the top lightly into place, and enjoy!

Your fullness has increased by 50, and your affection by +4!

Notes

This recipe makes the “fancy” version of Poké Puffs, for the “basic” version you can just leave off the decorations. “Frosted” and “deluxe” look like something you could achieve with colored whipped cream in a piping bag with a star tip, if you’re feeling up to the challenge.

The decorations for the sweet and citrus puffs look like a tiny cherry and orange slice respectively, so you might be able to find a more accurate solution than I did, maybe with other candies or gummies.

The plain choux puffs and pastry cream can be made ahead and stored for a few days, but don’t put the puffs together until just before serving or they’ll get soft and chewy.

If you don’t want to make the pastry cream, these types of choux puffs are often filled with ice cream.

“Congratulations! Your Eevee has evolved into Sylveon!”

― Pokémon X and Pokémon Y

Please join us for the most us board yet: Drunken Cookery. We chat about video games, like Earthbound and Dragon Quest Builders; it’s a good time, probably.

Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast and follow us on Twitter @SeeingReddit or e-mail us at SeeingReddit@gmail.com! Tell your friends if you enjoy the show – we’re always happy to offend new listeners! Our theme song is “Reddit” by Podington Bear, you can find it at freemusicarchive.org. Thanks for coming and keep your pockets on Shrek!

CreepyPodsta: The Creepypasta Podcast gets into some real weird nonsense this week, as Judd Madarang and Hannah Burdge join me to totally dunk on a story by the same author as the actual topic of discussion, He Went Ahead.

Support the show on Patreon! $1 a month gets you two bonus episodes and one short story!

Theme music is by Matt Holt

If you want to be prepped for future episodes, go ahead and read up on Third ParentFunnymouthThe Children UpstairsThe Showers, Old MacDonald Had A FarmHuntsville Camping TripThe Devil Lives on Old Mill Road, I Want To Scream, Jeff Went Left, The Clear Blue Spring, Dining Room or There is NothingI Dared My Best Friend To Ruin My LifeDevil’s NightOn A HillCabin GetawayThe Orangutans Are Skeptical of Changes in Their CagesArkansas Sleep ExperimentThe SeparationWhispersDead ArmNine Brief Scenes From the End of the WorldGraphic DesignWanna See Me Take It All Off?If the stars look strangeAutopilotThe Nuclear Incident on Bumblebee LaneBen’s PlayhouseMonster in the ForestThe Black SquareDear Abby

This week’s episode asks one important question: Would You Rather? There’s some chatter in there about comic book horseshit, too. But mostly it’s very serious debates about which awful thing we’d rather do.

Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast and follow us on Twitter @SeeingReddit or e-mail us at SeeingReddit@gmail.com! Tell your friends if you enjoy the show – we’re always happy to offend new listeners! Our theme song is “Reddit” by Podington Bear, you can find it at freemusicarchive.org. Thanks for coming and keep your pockets on Shrek!

CreepyPodsta: The Creepypasta Podcast welcome backs Colin Parker and Graham Thompson this week to talk about Let Me Hear Your Voice.

Support the show on Patreon! $1 a month gets you two bonus episodes and one short story!

Theme music is by Matt Holt

If you want to be prepped for future episodes, go ahead and read up on He Went AheadThird ParentFunnymouthThe Children UpstairsThe Showers, Old MacDonald Had A FarmHuntsville Camping TripThe Devil Lives on Old Mill Road, I Want To Scream, Jeff Went Left, The Clear Blue Spring, Dining Room or There is NothingI Dared My Best Friend To Ruin My LifeDevil’s NightOn A HillCabin GetawayThe Orangutans Are Skeptical of Changes in Their CagesArkansas Sleep ExperimentThe SeparationWhispersDead ArmNine Brief Scenes From the End of the WorldGraphic DesignWanna See Me Take It All Off?If the stars look strangeAutopilotThe Nuclear Incident on Bumblebee LaneBen’s PlayhouseMonster in the ForestThe Black SquareDear Abby