Burnt Crunchy Bits

Louisa’s monthly pop culture recipe blog

Poké Puffs

from Pokémon X and Pokémon Y

by Louisa Herron

Increase your Pokémon’s affection!

Increase your Pokémon’s affection!

For the puffs:

  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 large egg white (save a white when you’re separating the yolks for the pastry cream)
  • 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 10 small pieces
  • 2 tablespoons whole milk (1 ounce)
  • 6 tablespoons water (3 ounces)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (2 1/2 ounces)

For the pastry cream:

  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (2 1/2 ounces)
  • 1/2 cup sugar (3 1/2 ounces)
  • 4 egg yolks (save one of the whites for the choux puffs)
  • 3 cups milk
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter cut into small pieces
  • 1 vanilla bean or 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

For the decorations:

  • White candy melts
  • Milk or dark chocolate candy melts
  • Round red candies, such as M&Ms or Sixlets
  • Gel food colorings
  • A few strips of orange zest removed with a peeler, then coated with sugar
  • Sweet: 1 ounce freeze-dried strawberries, ground in food processor
  • Mint: 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
  • Citrus: 1 teaspoon grated orange zest, plus 1/2 teaspoon orange extract or 2 teaspoons Grand Marnier liqueur
  • Mocha: 1/2 teaspoon espresso powder (or instant coffee), plus 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
  • Spice: 1/4 teaspoon chipotle chili powder, plus 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, plus 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
You could just eat this tbh

Pastry cream ingredients

Make the pastry cream

In a large saucepan, whisk flour, and sugar together. Add 4 egg yolks and a scant 3 tablespoons of the milk, whisk until well combined. Add the remaining milk and vanilla pod (if using). Stir over medium heat until it thickens, you need to stir it constantly or lumps will form on the bottom. When it’s the consistency of a soft pudding, with bubbles blobbing up, remove from heat. Stir in the butter until melted (and the vanilla extract, if you didn’t use a vanilla bean).

Dip some bread in this for a nice afternoon snack

Cooking the pastry cream

Pour the pastry cream into a bowl and cover with plastic wrap pressed down to the surface, to prevent the cream from forming a skin. Refrigerate until cold, at least 2 hours.

How is "choux" pronounced??

Choux ingredients

Make the choux

Adjust rack to middle of oven and heat to 425 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, set aside. Beat eggs and egg white together in a small bowl and pour into a half cup measure. Discard anything more than half a cup.

Bring butter, milk, water, sugar, and salt to boil over medium heat in a saucepan, stirring once or twice. When mixture is at a full boil (butter has melted), immediately remove from heat and stir in the flour with a wooden spoon until combined and mixture comes together into a very soft dough. Return saucepan to low heat and cook, stirring constantly with a smearing motion, for 3 minutes. Mixture will be slightly shiny and tiny beads of oil will appear on the bottom of the saucepan.

I'm saying it like "chooks" in my head but it's probably like "shoe"

Choux dough

Remove pan from heat and stir vigorously with the wooden spoon for 30 seconds or so, to cool slightly. Add the eggs a third at a time, pouring in one third, then mixing well, adding another third, etc. When all eggs have been incorporated stir the choux vigorously until thick and sticky, about 30 more seconds.

Spoon choux dough into a piping bag with a round half inch tip, once all the dough is added to the bag lay the bag on the counter and run the side of your hand along the outside to push all the dough down to the tip. Twist the top of the bag and pipe the choux dough onto the cookie sheet in 1 1/2 inch blobs, you can fit about 24 of these onto your cookie sheet. They’ll have peaks on top but if you dip a finger lightly in water you can easily smooth them into rounds.

You know what else is piped and smooth? ;) ;) ;)

Piped & smoothed choux

Bake the choux for 15 minutes (do not open the oven in this stage- they need a lot of heat to become puffs) and then reduce the temperature to 375 degrees, until golden brown and firm. This should take 10 more minutes but if your oven runs hot like mine, check them after 2 minutes (mine were done then). Remove the cookie sheet from the oven, cut slits in the sides of all the puffs with a small knife to help release steam, and return the sheet to the oven. (Make sure the oven is OFF!) Use a wooden spoon handle to prop open the oven door a crack, and let the puffs dry in the warm oven for 45 minutes. Transfer the choux puffs to a wire rack to cool.

Maybe it's more like "chow"??

Baked choux puffs

Prepare the decorations

Melt a few candy melts in the microwave and smear a thin layer on wax paper. The spice decoration is dark chocolate cut with a square cutter, mocha is white candy also square cut, mint is white candy melt tinted yellow and cut with a moon shaped cutter, citrus is the sugared orange peel cut with the moon cutter, and sweet is a red M&M.

Sneak some pentagrams in there too, you know you wanna

Puff decorations

Divide the pastry cream among 5 bowls, and flavor each bowl with the extracts and spices listed in ingredients. Mix in food coloring one drop at a time until you get a color you like- pink for sweet (it will already be speckled light pink from the powdered strawberry), green for mint, orange for citrus. You can add brown coloring to the mocha and spice creams but I thought they looked fine without it. Taste the creams and add more flavoring if you like.

Popular flavors include: Teal, pink, yellowish, and two kinds of brown

Flavoring pastry cream

Using a small knife, cut each puff in half (they will be hollow). Melt the chocolate candy melts in the microwave and spread a little milk/dark chocolate on the top half of each puff that will be mocha or spice. Melt the white candy melts in small cups so you can add a drop of food coloring gel once they’re melted, and mix to make the correct colors. Spread the colored candy on the top halves of the puffs- pink, orange, and green. When the candy has almost set, add the decoration on top to “glue” it in place. Let the puff tops dry.

Add a heaping spoonful of pastry cream into each puff, press the top lightly into place, and enjoy!

Your fullness has increased by 50, and your affection by +4!


This recipe makes the “fancy” version of Poké Puffs, for the “basic” version you can just leave off the decorations. “Frosted” and “deluxe” look like something you could achieve with colored whipped cream in a piping bag with a star tip, if you’re feeling up to the challenge.

The decorations for the sweet and citrus puffs look like a tiny cherry and orange slice respectively, so you might be able to find a more accurate solution than I did, maybe with other candies or gummies.

The plain choux puffs and pastry cream can be made ahead and stored for a few days, but don’t put the puffs together until just before serving or they’ll get soft and chewy.

If you don’t want to make the pastry cream, these types of choux puffs are often filled with ice cream.

“Congratulations! Your Eevee has evolved into Sylveon!”

― Pokémon X and Pokémon Y

Hogwarts Treacle Tart

inspired by the Harry Potter series

by Louisa Herron

Harry's fav

Hogwarts-themed Treacle Tart

In honor of his birthday (July 31st), here’s Harry Potter’s favorite dessert.


A whole loaf of bread??

The ingredients

For the tart shell:

  • 9 oz (250g) all-purpose flour
  • 4.5 oz (9 tablespoons) room temperature butter, cut into small cubes

For the filling:

  • One 11 oz jar of golden syrup
  • 5.5 oz (150g, about 6 slices for me) white sandwich bread, crusts removed
  • 1 lemon
  • 1 egg
250 what??

Weighing flour

Also works as a banana slicer

Pastry cutter

Make the tart shell

Place the flour in a large bowl and cut in the butter with a pastry cutter, or rub in with your fingers if it’s soft enough, until the mixture reaches the consistency of soft breadcrumbs. (You can also do this in a food processor.) Mix in 3 tablespoons of water to make the mixture into a firm dough. You may find it’s too crumbly and you need to add another tablespoon (I did), but add extra water gradually, mixing it in, because if you add too much the dough will be very sticky and hard to work with. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and chill it in the fridge for 20 minutes.

You could just eat it like this tbh

Chilled dough

Preheat the oven to 400F and put a cookie sheet on a rack in the middle to heat. Grease an 8 inch loose-bottom tart pan. Pull about 6 oz of dough from the chilled dough ball and leave it in the fridge. Take the larger portion of dough out and roll it with a rolling pin on a lightly floured work surface, or between two sheets of parchment paper. Roll it into a rough circle about 2 inches larger on all sides than the bottom of your tart pan. Line the pan with the dough circle, pressing it gently across the bottom and up the sides, and into the corners. Let the excess dough hang over the top, then roll your pin over the pan to trim it. Add the trimmings to the dough in the fridge, for your decorations.

Don't do the pizza dough toss method, it won't work

Rolling out the dough

Lining the tart pan

Prick the base of the tart all over with a fork to help stop air bubbles forming in the oven. Place the tart pan onto the cookie sheet in the oven and bake for 10 minutes to set, it will still be pale.

While the tart shell is baking

Grind your bread slices in a food processor until they’re fine crumbs. Juice and zest the lemon, taking care to only grate the yellow lemon skin and not the white pith underneath, which is very bitter. Reserve the lemon zest and juice in a small bowl. Remove the tart shell from the oven when the 10 minutes are up and set it aside, leaving the cookie sheet in the oven.

Also, grinding the zest off of them

Squeezing lemons

Make the filling

In a large saucepan, heat the golden syrup on medium heat until it becomes warm and runny, be careful not to raise it high enough to simmer or boil. Remove the saucepan from heat and add the breadcrumbs (reserve a couple of tablespoons), lemon juice and zest. If the mixture seems very runny, add the reserved breadcrumbs. Pour the syrup mixture into the tart shell to just within 1/4 of the top so it won’t overflow.

Make the decorations: Remove the extra dough from the fridge and roll it out about 1/8 inch thick, about the same as the tart shell. Cut shapes from the dough with cookie cutters or a sharp knife, and lay them carefully on top of the warm filling. Press any dough that touches the edge of the shell firmly to the edge. Once you have all the decorations arranged to your liking, beat the egg in a small bowl until the yolk and white are well mixed, then brush the egg wash lightly onto the pastry decorations and all around the perimeter. Use a small clean paintbrush or your fingertip, if the egg drips down the decorations and onto the filling it will leave a little eggy blob on the surface of your pie. Place the tart onto the cookie sheet in the oven and bake for 10 minutes, then reduce the oven temperature to 350F. If the top of the pastry is already browning, cover the tart with foil. Bake the tart another 25-30 minutes at 350F until the pastry is a nice golden brown and the filling seems set. Remove the tart from the oven and cool at least an hour to make sure it’s firm enough to slice. Serve warm or at room temperature.

This looks like a political alignment chart but okay

Ready for the oven

“…one of the most seductive scents Harry had ever inhaled: somehow it reminded him simultaneously of treacle tart, the woody smell of a broomstick handle and something flowery he thought he might have smelled at The Burrow.”

Clotted cream is a bad name for anything

Tart and cream


Treacle is a very light grade of molasses, and as such it’s very sweet liquid sugar with a hint of toffee toastiness and a hint of bitterness. I have a strong aversion to bitterness and I’m sorry to say this tart, although made to a traditional recipe and objectively quite sweet, was slightly too bitter for me. This is a reflection only on my own tastes, but if you make it and find it strikes you the same way, in the future you could swap some (maybe a 1/4 cup or so) of the golden syrup out and replace it with honey. It wouldn’t taste the same but you have to adapt recipes to suit your own tastes.

Because the filling is cooked sugar with only breadcrumbs to soften the structure, it will get hard and chewy when refrigerated. Just be aware that for serving you’ll want to bring it to room temperature or serve it warm and it will be soft and pie-like again.

I decorated my tart with a rough version of the Hogwarts crest, imagining how it might look when served in the Great Hall. It helped me to roll out the dough and press the bottom of the tart pan against it lightly so I could see an outline of the circle I had to work within. I cut strips to divide it into quadrants, used a cookie cutter to make the central lozenge (heraldry term for a diamond shape) and cut an H into it with a small knife. Then I just looked at pictures of the Hogwarts crest while I free-form cut the animals with my knife. If you don’t want to tackle a design like this, a lattice top of woven strips is traditional and very attractive. You could also cut leaves or stars with a small cookie cutter, or add wings to small circles to make a flock of golden snitches. It’s also quite traditional to leave the top of the tart undecorated, so it’s up to you.

I served the tart with clotted cream because I barely need an excuse to eat it, but creme fraiche or plain whipped cream would also be nice rich toppings that let the sweetness of the tart shine. If you don’t mind a very sweet dessert, you could serve it with vanilla ice cream or creme anglaise (custard).

“A moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavour you can think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate eclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, jelly, rice pudding… As Harry helped himself to a treacle tart, the talk turned to their families.”

― JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Cornish Hens

inspired by Game of Thrones

By Louisa Herron

"Fuck the king"
The Finished Meal

When you need to eat every fucking chicken in the room.

For the hens

  • 2 Cornish game hens, about 1 1/2 lbs. each
  • 6 strips of bacon (not thick cut, it won’t brown as well)
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
  • 2 small onions
  • 2 sprigs each of fresh thyme, sage, and rosemary
  • 1-2 cups chicken stock (low sodium if you can, it gets very salty)
  • 1 tablespoon cornstarch (optional)
  • Salt and pepper

For the vegetables

  • 2 carrots
  • 2 parsnips
  • 8 oz. pearl or cipollini onions, or shallots
  • A dozen small potatoes
  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • Sprigs of fresh thyme, sage, and rosemary
  • Salt and pepper

Prepare the vegetables

Melt the butter in a small bowl. Peel all but the potatoes, and cut them into chunks. They should be large chunks but no part should be thicker than an inch. Cut the potatoes in half or quarters if they’re thicker than an inch, and put all the chunks into a baking dish that will hold them in one layer, not too much overlap. Sprinkle the veggies with melted butter, salt and pepper, and lay the herb sprigs on top. Put them into a 400 degree oven, on a low rack.

They're mostly for decoration
The Vegetables

While the veggies start cooking, prepare the hens

Mix the oil and vinegar in a small bowl and set aside. Rinse the hens and pat them dry, discarding any giblets if they came with the hens. Look over the skin and if you see any thicker fat deposits, usually where the legs attach to the body and around the neck, slash them with the tip of a knife (this will help the fat render out during roasting and make for crisp skin). Don’t cut very deep, just through the skin and into the fat. Peel the small onions and put one onion and the herb sprigs into each hen’s cavity. Cut the strips of bacon down the middle lengthwise to make long bacon ribbons, then lay them over the breasts of the hens, 6 “ribbons” on each bird, 3 in each direction in a grid pattern. Weaving the ribbons over-and-under each other will help keep the bacon in place as it cooks and tries to curl. Tuck the ends of the bacon underneath, and sprinkle the hens with salt and pepper.

You could just eat it this way, but we didn't tell you that
Raw Chicken

Put the prepared hens on a wire rack set into a cookie sheet with 1 inch sides, breast side down. Put the sheet into the oven on a middle rack, above the vegetable dish. Take the veggies out, stir them around a little and put them back in. Roast everything for 25 minutes, or until the back of the hens are pale golden brown. Take the hen sheet out of the oven, brush the backs with the oil and vinegar mix (it won’t stay mixed, just keep stirring it up with the brush so you get a bit of each every time) and flip the hens over, breast side up. Brush the tops of the breasts and legs with the oil and vinegar. Return the sheet to the oven, pouring about a cup of chicken stock into the bottom below the wire rack. Stir the veggies again. Roast another 20 minutes.

Take both the sheet with the hens and the vegetable dish out of the oven, and raise the temperature to 450. Brush the hens with the last of the oil and vinegar, add another half cup or so of chicken stock to the sheet. If your vegetables look nice and browned in spots, set the dish aside to keep warm. If not, add them back to the oven for the next step. Roast the hens another 5-10 minutes, until nicely browned. Discard the rosemary and thyme stems from the veggies; I leave in the small thyme leaves and the crispy sage leaves.

Remove the hens (and veggies if applicable) from the oven (set the vegetable dish aside), and put the hens on a carving board or serving dish to rest for 10 minutes. Using a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, scrape up all browned bits in the cookie sheet and pour all the liquid into a fat separator. Pour the juices into a small saucepan. If you don’t have a separator, pour the liquid into a small saucepan, let it settle for a minute, then skim off as much fat as you can with a spoon. Taste the juices and add more chicken stock or water to your taste. Heat the saucepan over medium high heat until it’s at a gentle boil, then pour into a gravy boat. If you’d like to thicken the jus/gravy, mix a tablespoon of cornstarch into a tablespoon of water in a small bowl, and pour it into the simmering juices while stirring. Stir and simmer for another 30 seconds, then pour into a gravy boat.

Serve and enjoy!

“You lived your life for the king. You gonna die for some chickens?”

“Someone is.”


This is a simple medieval-Europe-inspired recipe, but they wouldn’t have had potatoes. A little leeway is allowed for Westeros I think, but if you’d like to keep the vegetables to more traditional choices you could substitute a medium sized turnip for the potatoes, peeling it and cutting it into chunks. The vegetables can be customized however you like, I used one orange carrot and one purple one for color; I love parsnips but you can replace them with carrots, change the type of potatoes, add rutabagas or beets (golden beets are preferable unless you don’t mind all your veggies being stained red), or change the herbs.

The balsamic vinegar is a culinary trick to get poultry skin nice and brown- it won’t add much tartness or sweetness to the finished dish. I leave the onion and herbs inside the hens, they act as aromatics and don’t get in the way of eating. My gravy was very flavorful, I ended up adding more chicken stock to soften the richness/saltiness of it. You can omit the bacon if you prefer, just rub the hens all over with a little oil to help them brown.

This is very much a comfort food meal but if you’d like to freshen it up, people ate simple salads in the Middle Ages. Mixed greens with edible flowers, chives, fresh herbs, nuts and/or berries dressed in a vinaigrette (one part vinegar to 3 parts oil) would make a nice first course.


“She was hungrier than I would have believed. We finished two whole chickens and part of a third, and drank a flagon of wine, talking.”

― George R. R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Cookie Cats

from Steven Universe

by Louisa Herron

He left his family behind

Cookie Cat!

A little something cool for summer!

For the cookie layer:

  • 1 cup all-purpose flour (5 oz)
  • 1/2 cup cocoa powder (1.5 oz)
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 large eggs
  • 2/3 cup sugar (4.75 oz)
  • 1/4 cup chocolate syrup (or if you forgot to get this like I did, 1/4 cup corn syrup with a little cocoa powder mixed into it!)
  • 8 tablespoons butter (1 stick), melted

For the ice cream layer:

  • 1 pint container of vanilla (or any white) ice cream
  • 1 pint container of strawberry (or any pink) ice cream
You need this stuff

The stuff you need

Make the cookie layer

Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a standard 17”x12” cookie sheet with sides (sometimes called a jellyroll pan or a half-sheet pan) with nonstick cooking spray and line the bottom with parchment.

sift sift sift


Sift flour, cocoa, salt, and baking soda into a medium bowl. Beat eggs, sugar and chocolate syrup in a large bowl until light brown. Add melted butter and whisk until fully incorporated.

mix mix mix


Add dry ingredients to the egg mixture. With a rubber spatula, slowly incorporate the dry ingredients into the wet; stir just until no dry streaks remain. Pour batter into prepared baking sheet; using a spatula spread batter to an even thickness.

batter up


Bake until cookie springs back when touched, 10 to 12 minutes. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then run a butter knife around the edges to loosen the cookie. Put a large cutting board over the pan and flip it, removing the pan (or flip the cookie carefully out onto a clean countertop). Cool completely, about half an hour.

About to become cats

Cookie sheet

Cut out your cats, 8 as just cat shapes and another 8 with eyes cut out as well. Put them on a plate in the freezer to make them easier to handle.

So many cats

Cat cutouts

Cut your ice cream pints into slices (cut right through the cardboard) with a bread knife and place the slices on a tray in the freezer to firm up again, about half an hour. Cut the slices in half and match the halves up with one white and one pink for each circle; freeze another half hour.

Lookit them creams

Ice cream cutouts

Cut cat shapes out of the ice cream so the ice cream cut-out is half white and half pink, and stack them: plain cookie, ice cream, cookie with eye holes. Freeze again on a plate for at least an hour before serving, or wrap them individually in foil to store them for a week.

He’s a frozen treat with an all new taste!

Cuz he came to this planet from outer space!

A refugee of an interstellar war!

But now he’s at your local grocery store!

I like to think of these as the family he left behind

Cutter sizes


This recipe itself isn’t too hard, but some of the details are tricky. You can make it in advance so try to do it when you have time to put the ice cream back in the freezer as much as possible. It’s very easy to get frustrated when even a few extra seconds out on the counter on a hot day ruins your ice cream slices. You can see in my picture that my vanilla ice cream stayed very soft, like Play-Doh, even when fully frozen, and my strawberry ice cream made nice firm slices that stayed sharp and easy to work with for almost 15 minutes! They were even the same brand (Haagen-Dazs) so it must be down to the ingredient ratios of the different flavors. Maybe give the pints a squeeze at the grocery store and see which flavors/brands are hard. Lower butterfat ice creams will be easier to work with because fat limits freezing, premium ice creams with higher butterfat will taste better (in my opinion) so use your judgement.

If you want to make things easier, just buy all the same flavor of ice cream and don’t worry about halving and moving the slices for the half-white-half-pink color scheme, this is a minor detail compared to the look of the whole thing. No reason you can’t just use whatever ice cream flavor is your favorite either, but remember a lot of chunks will make them hard to slice.

I spread my cookie batter “mostly” flat expecting it to level a bit while cooking;  it barely did at all and was definitely thicker in some spots. Next time I’ll be sure to take the time and smooth it as flat as I can.

Now- that cookie cat cutter! In the picture above the notes section were the 3 I considered: a “cat head cookie cutter” I bought on Amazon for about $4 that’s way too big, a pink Japanese sandwich cutter in the shape of a pig that’s not *quite* the right shape, and a round 3” biscuit cutter I modified myself. This is definitely the one I recommend, simple round cutters are easy to find, and you just need jewelry pliers (like needlenose pliers with rounded tips- or just needlenose would work too) to shape the cutter. Gently bend the ear points out with your fingers, then use the pliers to shape clear angles where the ears join the head. Squish the circle a bit to make the head wider than it is tall. Mine is NOT very symmetrical but you can’t tell from the finished cookies! I used a round fondant cutter for the eye holes (it has a little spring-loaded pin to push out the cut material) but you could easily use a drinking straw or flat pen cap to make the eyes.

If I was making these to take them to a party, I would forget about ice cream altogether- I’d use whoopie pie frosting as filling. They’d look just as cute but keep at room temperature for days. Make and cut the cookie as usual, but make this filling:

  • 6 tablespoons butter (3/4 stick), softened
  • 2/3 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • pinch of salt
  • 1 and 1/4 cups marshmallow fluff

Beat the butter and sugar until fluffy, add vanilla and salt, beat in the marshmallow fluff until smooth, about 2 minutes. Chill in the fridge if it seems too soft, then pipe directly onto the cookie bases leaving a little room for spread all the way around, then add the cookie tops and press lightly into place.

Now it's a crafting project

Make your own cat

Monster Cake

from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

by Louisa Herron

Breath of the Wild Monster Cake

As soon as I saw this cake in the game, I knew I had to make it.

For the cake

  • 12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 1 3/4 cups sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 2 1/4 cups cake flour (all-purpose flour will make the cake tough)
  • 1/2 cocoa powder
  • 1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/4 cups ice water


For the frostings

  • 5 large egg whites
  • 1 cup sugar
  • Pinch of salt
  • 32 tablespoons (4 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 1 ounce freeze-dried blueberries (must be freeze-dried and not just dried), ground in a food processor or blender until powdered, and sieved to remove seeds
  • 3 tablespoons cocoa powder or to your liking


For the horns & decorations

  • 5 ounces purple candy coating wafers/candy melts, or 5 ounces white candy coating & a few drops of oil-based purple candy color (food coloring will make the coating seize and clump) or purple gel color (it will stiffen the coating a bit but you can thin it with oil)
  • Coconut oil or vegetable shortening on hand in case you need a teaspoon or so to thin the coating
  • Mini chocolate chips, regular chips, hazelnuts, etc. to decorate the outside of the cake layers


Monster Cake ingredients

Make the cakes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit. Grease and flour your cake pans, putting parchment paper circles into the bottom of the pans to prevent sticking, and have 2 cupcake liners ready.

In a standing mixer or using a hand mixer, cream the butter until fluffy. Mix in the sugar, then the eggs one at a time, then mix in the vanilla. Be sure the scrape the sides of the bowl down as needed.

In another bowl, sift the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt together.

Add 1/3 of the flour mixture to the butter mixture, then 1/3 of the ice water, repeating and mixing after each addition. Transfer the batter to the cake pans, smoothing the tops, and enough to the 2 cupcake liners to fill them halfway. Put the cake pans on the middle oven rack and slide the muffin tray with the 2 cupcakes in it on the rack just below. Bake until the cakes spring back when lightly pressed, and a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean; 35-40 minutes. The cupcakes will survive but are better if you remember to take them out after 25 minutes.

Let the cakes cool in the pans for 10 minutes after removing from the oven, then gently run a knife around the edges and turn the cakes onto a cooling rack. Peel the parchment paper off carefully and turn the cakes right side up to cool if you can, so they keep their shape a little better. The cupcakes can stay in their liners. Once cool, chilling the cakes in the fridge will make cutting them easier; leave the cupcakes at room temperature. Trim the bottom cake layer nice and flat on top and bottom; the top layer can stay slightly rounded. Put any cake trimmings with the cupcakes.

Make the frostings

Set a saucepan with an inch or so of water on the stove and bring to a gentle simmer. Combine egg whites, sugar, and salt in a heatproof bowl over the saucepan, whisking until the sugar is dissolved (dip your finger in at the edge and see if it feels grainy).

Remove the bowl from the heat and whisk it with a standing mixer’s whisk attachment or a hand mixer until it’s glossy white, increased in volume, and completely cooled (the bottom of the bowl will be room temperature when it’s cooled enough); about 10 minutes.

Mix in the softened butter one tablespoon at a time until it’s all mixed in; if it starts to look lumpy just keep mixing and it will smooth out. Mix in the vanilla.

Divide the frosting into 2 bowls, about half in each. Add the 3 tablespoons of cocoa powder to one (this gives a subtle chocolate flavor and soft color, feel free to add more) and mix well.


Breath of the Wild Monster Extract


To the other bowl, add your monster extract (blueberry powder) and mix well. This will naturally give it a pale speckled lavender color, but you can add purple food coloring if you want a brighter color. Remember to add just 2 or 3 drops at a time; food coloring builds in intensity very quickly: You can always add more, but you can’t take it away! If you’d prefer it without the blueberry flavor, you can just add color to the plain frosting to have a purple vanilla.

It’s easier to work with the 2 frosting flavors in piping bags, but the look of the Monster Cake is casual enough to do it with a small round knife or spoon. I used piping bags with large round piping tips.


Monster Cake Horns


Make the horns

Crumble the 2 cupcakes and trimmings gently into a bowl so there aren’t any cake chunks left. Add the chocolate frosting, just one tablespoon at the time, until you get a sort of “dough” that just barely holds together. It’s tempting to add more, but then it’s very hard for the horns to keep their shape. I only used 3 tablespoons of frosting for mine, the mixture clumped together when I pressed it but was still slightly crumbly.

Divide your mixture in half and shape each half into a horn! Go slowly and squeeze very lightly, press any cracks back together and try to make them roughly flat on the bottom. Put them on a plate in the freezer for 15 minutes or so.

Melt your candy coating in a small bowl in the microwave, or (if your bowl is heatproof) over a saucepan of an inch of water on medium heat, being careful not to get water into the bowl. If your coating is white, now’s the time to add the candy color or gel color, one drop at a time until you get a color you like. The coating should be smooth and not too thick, like hot fudge. If it seems thicker, add half a teaspoon of shortening or coconut oil and see if it thins out. Add more if needed, but remember too much oil will make the coating softer at room temperature.

Remove the horns from the freezer and dip a toothpick or lollipop stick into the warm coating, then insert the dipped end into the bottom of the horn. Let it set for a few seconds, then hold the horn by the stick over the bowl and spoon the coating over it until it’s covered (I left the bottom edges plain on mine because you won’t see them). If one coat doesn’t cover all the lumps and bumps, let it set firmly, put them back in the freezer for 5 minutes, then give them a second coat. Make sure they dry fully (you can put a cooling rack up on drinking glasses and rest the horn on the rack with the stick poking through the bottom) and then put them in the fridge.

Assemble the cake

Put the bottom layer on your serving plate and top it with the purple frosting. You can make swirly edges by piping with a round tip in a ruffly circle, then filling in the center as I did, or spreading it on in a scalloped way with a spoon/butter knife. Try to make it as level as possible. Add the top cake layer and press it in place gently.

At this point you can keep going or put the cake back in the fridge for half an hour or so, this is just to firm up the purple frosting so you don’t accidentally squish it. When you’re ready, add the chocolate frosting to the top. I piped very large round dots and pressed a knife into the top of each one, dragging towards the center of the cake to approximate the scalloped look. Then I filled in the center between the dots, and added a second smaller circle. I finished it by swirling the last of the frosting over the messy lines in the center.

The cake in the game has little round dots on the edges of the cake layers, maybe to show nuts or seeds in the layers, but it would be almost impossible to get those things to bake in exactly the spots you wanted them. I did mine after they were baked and cooled with mini chocolate chips, pressing them pointed side in all along the sides in rough groups of three. These stayed on by themselves but if you’re using something bigger you might want to add a dab of frosting or candy coating to the back as glue.

Spear the horns into the cake by their sticks, and you’re done!

Breath of the Wild Monster Cupcake

“It’s said that once you have a taste of this cake, you’ll never forget its sweetness.”


I made the Monster Cake this way because this is one of my favorite chocolate cakes, one of my favorite buttercreams, and I wanted the decorations to be things I like too (cake pops instead of fondant, for instance). Make a cake you enjoy making and eating, and if that’s one made with mixes and just assembled with a few of my suggestions, that’s great. There’s no such thing as a “real” recipe for this, so be creative!

If you wanted something easier for the horns, I think dipped banana halves would work, or shaped Rice Krispie treats, modeling chocolate, fondant, or make them from food-safe craft supplies and just remove them when serving.

About 18 servings, if 2 of the servings are the horn pops — there’s plenty of frosting here though so you might get more servings out of it. It will make a little more than 2 dozen cupcakes; with cupcakes you can use purple liners and make all the frosting chocolate, or peel off the liners, split them in half horizontally and put a layer of purple frosting in the middle if you want them to look like mini versions of the game cake. I made little flat horns for mine by drizzling candy coating in rough triangles onto wax paper, freezing them, and sticking them into the frosting.


“Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.”
― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms